Urban Experience of Young Mothers in LA

Urban Experience of Young Mothers in LA

By Trixia Cruz

Flipping through channels one day I came across a show on MTV called “Teen Mom”. As I started watching I thought to myself, “What the f***, what is this? Are they advertising teen pregnancy?” Later, I started noticing peoples’ obsession with watching reality TV, and I listened in on people talking about certain moms on the show. “Did you hear what Leah said to blah blah last night?! Oh my god! I can’t believe she would do that” or “ Yeah, I hate her, she’s too much of a drama queen, do you see how she treats her baby daddy?!” I was intrigued by what I thought was a ridiculous obsession with reality TV, but over time I began to grow a curiosity of my own, of course not with the show, just life experiences in general, and I wanted to focus on young mothers in the city of Los Angeles.

For this research assignment I wanted to center on an aspect of urban life that was seen as a problem, and if you talk to enough people they will tell you that teen pregnancy is on the rise for a variety of different reasons. I wanted to look at this problem from an experiential point of view, and I wanted to obtain a direct perspective from the population itself. I concentrated my efforts on mainly trying to figure out what set young mothers apart from much older and presumed ready mothers. I asked questions that were based on financial and social aspects of their life; attempting to draw a parallel between any particular stereotypes and misconceptions the general population may have about women having kids at such a young age. Which generalizations proved to be true, and to what extent?

            Initially I thought the main issue was the lack of access to birth control, however there was no conclusive data that could point to that being the case. I found that an equal amount, if not more mothers, had gotten pregnant on some type of birth control. This was peculiar in the sense that the overall purpose of birth control is to prevent unexpected pregnancies. However, I believe my group was not large enough and my data was focused on unexpected pregnancies, therefore creating this bias. My focus was then shifted to the unique experiences of each particular teen mom and their dealings with unpredicted pregnancies, and how their lives changed thereafter.

I mainly conducted my research by setting up various interviews with a number of young mothers living in the Los Angeles area. I went to various parks, bus stops and many public venues trying to observe young mothers, searching for any particular patterns. However, this turned out to be quite problematic because it was difficult to differentiate mother from sister, or assume the age of a women and if their children was even their own. So that plan was rendered useless, and instead I decided to visit a health care facility that was somehow related to my research topic. I was not allowed to take pictures of the facility, so instead I simply observed what young women in the waiting room were doing, and experienced first-hand what society thinks on the issue of youth pregnancy.

The interviewing process in my opinion was the best part because I felt that I provided a much-needed ear for these young women. Many of their stories were very similar and very different at the same time. I heard them tell me tales of courage and bravery and listened as they described their fear and excitement in having a child. I would hear them tell me the struggles they had to overcome and I would sit in admiration as I heard them express to me their profound love for their children. Something’s you tend to hear all the time, and to some extent was even seen in the show Teen Mom, however they were all a bit different.

As I rolled along in my project I felt my original question kept changing and evolving to accommodate the variety of information I was receiving from the mothers. I tried to find different mothers with different circumstances to try and broaden up my range as much as possible. This included finding variances, such as familial relationships, the number of children, age ranges, access to birth control, relationships with the child’s father, etc.  

The mothers I spoke to were very much open to answering my questions and were even enthusiastic about sharing their stories with me. I explained to them that I wanted them to be as honest as they possibly could with me because I wanted to have their words on paper, as opposed to my own with my own personal biases or anyone else’s for that matter.

            I began my research by setting up an appointment with two young women. We met at a small plaza in Alhambra near a Starbucks where we bought cold frappuccino’s and warm sweet bread.  The same location was used for another mother I interviewed simply because it was a convenient half way point for all of us. In total I interviewed 5 women, and the rest were done via e-mail or through facebook. During these interviews, I felt the impression that motherhood was somewhat of a pleasant burden. That in the end, everything turned out wonderfully.

“Just because you are a young mom that doesn’t make you a bad mom. People give you the ‘stink eye’ when they see that you’re a young mom,” says Ruby, a 24 year old mother from Montebello. “This isn’t something that’s just recently became an issue, it’s been happening for a while now. It just seems as though now it’s become something bad,” says Caitlin another mother from El Sereno. I thought about all the other stereotypes I heard about young mom’s, things such as: “children raising children, can’t keep their legs closed, easy lays, they just want the attention, they only got pregnant so their boyfriend would stay with them”, and so on. Caitlin went on to talk about her experience being a single mom for a while. She originally hails from New Mexico where she lived in homeless shelters for a while, and moved from place to place. She explained that before getting pregnant she was a party girl. She never really wanted children to begin with. As a party girl and an alcoholic, she discovered she was pregnant and believed the results to be incorrect, or maybe the box was broken. She thought if she drank more water, it would change the results. For her, a pregnancy was not allowed, not even possible.  It was especially hard because at the time she had two boyfriends, the child could be any one of theirs. In contrast, she says her life is much more relaxed now that she has a supportive and excellent husband and father to her child. When I caught up with her recently, she mentioned that she has got a job as a medical assistant working for a spinal surgeon and that her little family couldn’t be happier.

            Ruby had her daughter Esmeralda at 17 with her current husband. Like many young moms, the moment she found out she was pregnant was frightening, but not as much as telling her parents. When she found out she was pregnant, she would go behind her parents’ backs and ditch school to go to the clinic and get check ups. When telling her parents, they gave her the “vas a ver” speech, so she ran away and went to go live with Ricardo (her current husband). She didn’t have contact with her parents for 2 months after that, and she felt that she had disappointed them, especially since she had a strict mother. When she did confront them, she arrived with the child in her arms. Ruby remembers her mother bursting into tears and telling her, “You should have stayed.”

In any circumstance, being bombarded with constant stereotypes is a battle in and of itself, but to deal with that and in many cases no help from families, or being a single parent is enough to drive anyone nuts, but many of these women manage to survive and thrive. Many times these mothers would be pushed into a situation where they would try and make the best of it and make sacrifices.

While conducting my research, people would always ask me, “Why are you looking for young mothers? Why are you interviewing people?” and I would explain to them that it was part of a project I was working on for one of my classes. It was interesting that I would always get the same response from everyone who asked me. The conversations would always end with, “Your too young to have children. Don’t even think about it until your older and prepared to have a kid of your own, finish school and get a career.” Why was everyone so concerned with my age being the biggest factor in becoming a mother? That got me wondering if there was an age when women are ready to become mothers, and what exactly does everyone mean by “ready”? Did they mean financially ready or mentally ready?

“No, you’re never ready to become a mom,” says Lucia a 23 year old mother from Pasadena, “I mean, financially – yes, I guess. But there is never an age where you are ready.” Lucia currently has two children with her husband, and plans to have more in the near future. One of the biggest stereotypes she has had to face as a young mother has been that she only got married because she was already pregnant, and to her family, having a child out of wedlock is extremely shameful. This was not true in her case, “My husband had already asked me to marry him by the time we realized we were pregnant, I just hadn’t told my parents yet. A couple day’s later we found out we were pregnant, I guess this is where my parents and everyone else assumes we only got married for that reason.”

“Is there any challenges you face because you’re a young mom, besides these generalizations?” She asked, “No, not really. I do have a fear though, and I think this has something with me being so anxious. I get so sad when I think about my daughter being alone in this world,” for some clarification, we were talking about living in Los Angeles, and whether there was any difference from city to city when it came to being a young mother. She expressed to me her fear of earthquakes and tornadoes, and her fears when she was living in Texas. “I don’t know why, but I can just picture my baby girl just standing alone, not knowing where I am…(there is slight pause) like she can’t find me because I’m gone (there is another silence). I can see her so lost like she needs mom...(her voice cracks and she begins to tear up). I freeze up, a little choked up myself, and tell her it’s okay, and then I quickly change the topic.

Lucia wasn’t the only one who expressed to me that you’re never really ready to become a mother. Many of the mother’s kept talking to me about this “click” or “maternal instinct” you get when you become a mom, and even when your pregnant. I had the opportunity to interview a young woman who was expecting. She was two weeks away from giving birth when I interviewed her. I wanted to speak with her again after the delivery but unfortunately we could not accommodate our busy schedules by the time this project was to be presented.

“What is your biggest fear, or biggest anxiety about becoming a mom?” I asked.

“I think they’re financial issues, I just want to be able to support our son and be stable. Also, time scheduling, my husband and I work different hours and I go to school also so I want to make sure someone is looking after our son.” She also explained that her biggest issue has been that people always come up to her and ask her age and if she is married. She looks young, and gets a little annoyed with always having to explain that she had been dating her husband for eight months before they got married and then waited before they got pregnant. It was unexpected to hear that her biggest anxiety were financial issues, my assumption would have been something more along the lines about being a good mother. However, I think this would be my own fear.

In addition to the four interviews I had with the young mommies, I went around facebook posting random questions here and there and messaging mothers whom unfortunately I could not schedule time for. Many times, I would get responses right away, and other times it would take weeks for them to get back to my messages. However, most of the information I discovered was very similar to what I had discovered in the interviews. Age seemed to the biggest factor in young mother stereotypes. Through facebook I asked around for relationships between real life and show’s like Teen Mom. My responses were mainly even, in terms of similarities and differences between both.

In addition, I visited a planned parenthood near my house. I, alongside many other young women, use it regularly for various reproductive health reasons. I walked in there twice, the first time to pick up a packet of condoms, and the second to pick up a packet of “plan b” pills. The purpose of these two visits was to determine how convenient it was to pick up contraceptives, and whether it was an invasive process.

The following is an account of the first time I went in to pick up a pack of condoms, and how effortless it proved to be: I was expecting to be bombarded with dirty looks or scoffs, and maybe even given a handful of sex pamphlets, outlining the dangers of STD’s. I took out my ID just in case they asked for it. I wondered if I would be forever marked as the “dirty girl”, in their database who just went in for a pack of condoms. I was in and out of there in less than a minute, no questions asked.

The cool breeze did not seem to have any effect,

Sweat still rolled down my brow, and my heartbeat quickened,

I opened the door and there were strangers all around,

Strange faces with familiar expressions, I could tell we were all here for the same reasons.

 Reluctantly I approached the woman sitting behind the thick glass

Her fingers tapped hastily on her keyboard and slowly she lifted her eyes

“Hi, do you have an appointment?”

“No, I’m here to pick up condoms, I was told I could get them for free?”

She spun around, and picked up a brown paper bag, a small package.

“Here you go.”

“That’s it?”

She smiles, “That’s it.”

            My second trip was a little different. I went in to ask for emergency contraceptives. They did not just simply hand them to me like they did with condoms. Instead they asked for my ID and my medical insurance card, they were checking my record to see if I qualified to receive them. While sitting in the lobby, I noticed the faces of the girls and what they were doing. I could not differentiate if some women were mothers or not. Most women were on their phones or reading magazines that were provided in the lobby. The lobby itself was small, and chairs were packed in together. There was no TV screen, and it was hard not to let your eyes wander since there was no point of focus. There was a couple sitting in the corner. The women leaned against the guy’s shoulders and their hands were interlocked. I got the impression that she was uneasy and maybe even a little scared. Another women appeared with the door open and she called my name. She pulled me behind the doors and explained to me everything I needed to know about the pill. Altogether, the entire visit took about 20 minutes.

            The Planned Parenthood I visited made me think of the public space that was provided to young women who needed the services provided here. I noticed that the windows were tinted, so no one could peek in and see who was in the clinic. It was also peculiar to see that they had a sign on the lobby that clearly said not to use cell phones in the lobby, yet many girls still used them. I thought about George Simmel’s article, “The Metropolis and Mental Life,” and the bombardment people deal with in the cities. People can grow aggressive when dealing with so much information being thrown at them all at once. I thought of the tinted windows as a way this institution protected their patients from those who would judge them. I thought about ways in which mothers dealt with the pressures of society. In public they are expected to be the ideal mother. They are expected to know how to control their children, and if they can’t they are thought to be incapable. Motherly duties such as diaper changes and breast-feeding are given designated areas away from any public eyes or judgment.  

            I also thought about public space that was utilized by mothers and how they communicated within it. What choices they made when faced with a multitude of options? This I could relate to another piece of literature, Michel de Certeau’s: “The Practice of Everyday Life”.  What qualitative data could we observe when we see the way the young mother walk through the city? A young mother takes a journey through life with her new child at such a young age. Being judged, being criticized, or perhaps even admired as she walks the streets. When she uses the restroom does she reapply her make-up or does she simply just change her child’s diaper?

            Stating that everyone is unique and having their own story to tell is an obvious answer to my question. More importantly, I have discovered that their uniqueness and different circumstances are not what set them apart, but bring them together as an urban group. Even more interesting is that I have found no profound distinction between an older and a younger mother. The experiences speak for themselves as being heroic tales of motherhood.